So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
