so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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