I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize