I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When are your genitals available?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
