so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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