She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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