so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
