I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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