There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
