I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
