the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
