I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
