peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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