I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
