So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
