My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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