Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
