I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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