He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
