I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
