Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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