Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
