but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
