They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
