i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
