i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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