were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
