well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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