Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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