Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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