i just wanna soil my oats bro
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
