yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
