Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
