If that was your dad, he is hot
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
