does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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