Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
