the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
