I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
