and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What a dumb baby whore.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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