And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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