I'm really into asian looking animals
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
