my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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