he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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