Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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