i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
