one might say we're banned from that church
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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