I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
