I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
