people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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