and you said cock pushups were impossible
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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