i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
