pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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