so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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