I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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