i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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