so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize