it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
