he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
