you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
zippers are such a cool invention
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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