Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
