It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
