And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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