Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
