I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
