How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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