i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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