Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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