just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
