"it" just moved
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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