Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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