We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
