There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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