I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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