Having a random hookup so left but love u
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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