I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
