No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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