I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
