I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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