I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
