I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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