I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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