Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
