Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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