Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
