We're like a lot better than the average bears
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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