While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
