im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
