my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
